Wow, What a year 2020 is turning out to be. So many ups and downs in the world, our country, our families and our emotions.
Between juggling the changes I’ve made due to COVID19 both in business, with clients and my own family it certainly is an emotional roller coaster. I feels like finding sanity and peace are so far away some days. I could make a list of “how to’s” to self care, or “how to parent during a pandemic” or “how to keep from going insane with all the cancellations and changes.” But it just doesn’t seem to say enough to me. I have found myself making changes I’ve never thought I’d face. From cleaning, to masking, from the telehealth maze there are so many shifts.
If you’re like me you started off hopeful that we could get through this, and there are many days I feel that way. It’s like I am choosing between being grateful and finding purpose in the problem and feeling anger, sadness and fear over seeing my clients, supervises and loved ones try to shift their own priorities and face layoffs, office closures and health issues.
What really has helped me to move through this without completely losing my mind (most days) are my faith, my friends, my family and taking each day and each issue one at the time, and yes seeking out my own therapy.
Most people know me know that I’m pretty open about the fact that as a therapist I find it crucial to go through my own therapy from time to time. It helps relieve burnout, compassion fatigue and also manage the difficult emotions that sometimes occur when faced with the reality of the trauma my clients face. And at the end of the day I feel like I’m asking others to engage in therapy so why not myself?
I will never forget when I was a newer therapist being encouraged to start attending myself. I am thankful for that nudge. There is no shame, no guilt and no it does not mean you are weak if you ask for help.
If you are struggling right now I encourage you to find support for yourself. Here are some signs that you may need to seek your own therapeutic support:
Common signs of chronic stress:
irritable/angry, nervous/anxious, lack of interest/motivation, fatigue, overwhelmed, depressed/sad
Feeling lack of control, guilt,
Constant thoughts of a situation that won’t go away
With the new year comes a lot of self reflection, goals setting, and often setting the tone and refresh on the year to come. I found myself looking over 2018 and all the things that have changed, both disappointments and accomplishments. I made it a point after the holiday craziness to just push pause on some of that and refresh myself, breath, and gain clarity for the year ahead.
There are a few things I learned reflecting on this year, and I hope they can help you too, on your journey whether it’s personal, healing from a traumatic experience, taking the next steps in your career or completing licensure or certification requirements.
The disappointments and trials of the past year can be guideposts to the next steps to reach your goals.
The accomplishments can the momentum that keeps it going,
Growth doesn’t happen on its own, growth comes from taking each thing that comes along step by step.
The most difficult decisions I sometimes make are not between a yes and a no, but from a yes and a better yes (Thanks to the Best Yes by Lysa Terkerurst).
Sometimes I am looking for the perfect timing, perfect final product, perfect you name it to let go of what is holding you back, when you actually need to let go and make space for the next thing.
Take time to breath, clear your head, journal, pray, or be around supportive people who love you will go a long way in helping you to clarify your goals and refresh you when you’ve been grinding for too long.
Remember your roots. I have a deep faith in God, and have for a long time in my life, and I have leaned on it time and again to help keep me focused, grounded, and energized as I move forward.
Today is…Gratitude day. This has been the hardest year of my life. I have never worked harder, prayed more, felt more, etc… the last year and a half. there where some family and financial challenges that I didn’t see coming, and also doors God opened for me that have been both exciting and inspired me to look myself in the mirror and really start focusing in on what I believe God has called me to do, and who I believe God really wants me to be in this life. I had to ask myself and challenge myself to continue living in integrity and professionalism in the face of disappointments and setbacks. I’ve had to make some tough choices for my family and it hasn’t been easy.
It’s difficult in the beginning, when you’ve faced disappointment, humiliation and hurt to see what those disappointing situations are doing for you in your life. It’s easy to crawl into a hole and want to stay stuck in an attitude of anxiety, bitterness and anger if you’re not paying attention. Of course I have days where I feel all those things, grief, sadness, and stress. But, then when I have that brief moment of fresh perspective and am able to look back at how those challenges are helping to shape me into a better version of myself I start to feel Grateful. Grateful for the privilege to grow, and learn about myself. Grateful for provision in tough times. Grateful for the supports in my life that help me through those tough situations.
For many, who are facing trauma, grief, and general life challenges, this is not an easy place to get to. It takes talking with people who are empathetic, friends, family or a counselor that understands. It takes focused prayer and (for me) lots of journal writing and tears to get there. But that I can see how I am stronger, more focused and more determined than at many other points in life, I am thankful for the challenges.
We want our lives to be challenge free, hurt free. We want our courses in life, whether you are pursuing your counseling career, trying to have children, grow a business, or heal from a hurtful situation to be smooth and easy. However, the truth of that matter is that setbacks and hurts are going to happen. They try to throw us off course and off our purpose in this world, or make that purpose a little less clear for a while. But in the end, they help build us, grow our faith and purpose as counselors, as people.
We all hear about self-care. As moms, therapists, and people going through the hustle of every day life. I have found myself thinking about it a lot lately, and I know that when I miss things, like going to church or socializing with other adults I notice I am not as focused as I usually am when faced with some of the daily challenges of being a parent (meltdowns, fussy babies, you know the real fun stuff).
So, What is it that you do to refocus and unwind?
Answer in the Comments below, and get the self-care conversation going. Thank you!
The recent tragedy in Boston may leave parents wondering how to address devestating news with young children. While I want so much to shield my own child from these horrible disasters in the news, it is realistic that he may hear about it from some other sources. I think Mr. Rogers addresses these issues the best.
I don’t know about you, but for me the end of a year and the beginning of a new one always has a feeling of relief for me. I love the idea of a new, fresh start and starting over. The past year for me has been full of ups and downs, and a lot of personal stress. But at the same time, there are many blessings in my life. If I look back this year, I can see where God has really come through for me and my family. I love the hope that a new year brings. I believe that this year will be better than last year, and that God will continue to teach me how to trust Him in my life.
Here are 10 things that I am going to do this year to make life more stress free take these ideas and also add your own in the comments:
1. Say no to at least one project a week.
2. Reduce the amount of caffeine and sugar I consume.
3. Plan at least one date night a month with my husband.
4. Plan more time with my girlfriends.
5. Schedule in at least one morning a week for writing and business planning.
6. Pay down debt.
7. Say what I am thankful for everyday because God supplies all me needs and provides for me every day.
8. Read more for pleasure.
9. Read a good Bible study or join a Bible study group.
10. Give up trying to plan every little detail of my life and allow God to work things out.
This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me.
