6 Therapeutic Interventions for Children and Adolescents Involved in Cyber-Bullying; Interview with Holli Kenley Part 2

 

Holli Kenley
Holli Kenley

Last post I Interviewed Holli Kenley about her book, Cyber Bullying No More, and she gave so many good tips for therapists and parents I decided to write two posts. Today I want to focus on tips for therapists who are working with children and adolescents who have experienced cyber bullying. To read information about how parents can support their kids, visit “Cyber Bullying No More!, Parenting a High Tech Generation” Part 1: Tips for Parents with Holli Kenley.

What are some reasons you think kids use the Internet to bully other kids?

 

There are two main reasons why cyber bullying is so prevalent.

  • Technology provides ‘anonymity’ for the cyber bully. This is really important. The cyber bully is distanced from the victim (no face to face connection), detached from the real word (identity protected) and disinhibited from the harm or hurt being inflicted on the victim. Thus, the cyber bully feels disconnected from the real world and his/her actions.
  • Technology provides a “huge power differential” between the victim and the bully. The bully is able to effectuate his/her agenda with ease. An expansive audience and limitless victimization reinforce the bullying behavior, and the bully is emboldened because of the lack of accountability and overwhelming factors of reinforcement.  Thus, the cyber bully feels empowered.

Research suggests that the main motivations for cyber bullying include:

  • Revenge or retaliation
  • Power and control
  • Cool and fun
  • Use as a defense mechanism (insecure, angry, jealous, mean)

It is interesting to note that Albert Bandura’s current research suggests that cyber bullying is a behavioral manifestation of the ‘process of moral disengagement,’ largely learned and reinforced by the factors of anonymity and power differential.  Group work focusing on the areas of restorative justice, with a heavily embedded empathy component is strongly recommended.

How do you feel a therapist could help a child who is involved in Cyber bullying? Either as a victim or the bully?

Many children take on the roles of both cyber victim and cyber bully (cyber bully victim).  It is important to assess for both roles and their involvement in each.  During the intake process, it is extremely important to conduct a thorough 5Axis Diagnosis, paying special attention to Axis I – Clinical Disorders. Also, with both victims and bullies, assess for thoughts of suicide and homicide (Duty to Report and Duty to Warn).

Here are three interventions for each.

 

For a child who is being cyber victimized, remember the 3 “S”:

 

  • Safety Net – Implement safety measures and develop a step-by-step plan for the victim who is in danger of harming him/herself or others (victims are more like to carry a weapon than bullies). Pay attention to levels of depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviors. Implement technological safety measures as well. Put a strong ‘net’ around this child!
  • Support – Believe and validate the child and his/her feelings. Listen, empathize, and develop a support system for the child. Let the victim know that he/she is not alone.
  • Social Skills Development – Many victims are feeling powerless. Either through individual or group counseling, working on assertive communication and self- empowerment skills is extremely important.

 

For a child who is cyber bullying, remember the 3 “C’s”:

 

  • Consequences –Remember that the goal with the cyber bully is to change the behavior. Research suggests that punishment by itself does not work, nor does solely taking the technology away. There should be appropriate consequences that correlate with degree of severity of bullying. (One exception would be if there is a duty to report given the laws within each community or state.) Making meaningful amends to the victim or acts of restorative justice are highly recommended.
  • Contract  – A Family Online Agreement should be implemented at once with clear guidelines on appropriate use, rules, and expectations. Whether one is in place or not, there are grounds for restricting usage of technology for a designated period of time. During this time, the child must demonstrate accountability and responsibility for his/her behaviors. Frequent monitoring is mandatory.
  • Counseling – It is extremely important to perform a ‘needs assessment’ with the cyber bully. The motivations for bullying vary widely; and thus, effective interventions do as well. Research suggests that group counseling with an emphasis on empathic skill building is highly successful in reversing bullying behaviors.

 

Tell about other publications that are available, or that you are working on

Resources on Cyber Bullying:

  • One of the best online sites for references is Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) – www.fosi.org . There are all kinds of tools, downloads, materials, etc. available for counselors, therapists, educators, and families.
  • Another excellent reference is Cyber Kids, Cyber Bullying, Cyber Balance (Trolley & Hanel, 2010).

 

Other Publications by Holli Kenley

 

  • The PMS Puzzle: a recovery book based on my own struggle with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
  • Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace With, a self-help book addressing recovery from all kinds of betrayal.
  • two e-singles:  Betrayal-Proof Your Relationship: What Couples Need to Know and Do
  • Cyber Bullying no More: Parenting A High Tech Generation.
  •  My newest book is Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back…One Breath at a Time, addressing recovery from any type of relapse.
  • I conduct workshops about cyber bullying to parents and at educational workshops and at therapeutic/recovery conferences.
  • Recently, a small group of community members and I participated in a two day Valley Wide Anti-Bullying Outreach Event which will take place August 29th– 30th , 2013 in my hometown of Prescott , AZ.  As part of the event, we will screaned the “Bully Movie’ and we had guest speaker Kirk Smalley, whose family was profiled in the movie, speak to several schools and at an open community forum. Mr. Smalley’s organization – Stand For The Silent – is an international movement of change – an outgrowth in remembrance of his son Ty, who took his own life at 11 years old after years of relentless bullying.

I started this interview by saying that cyber bullying (and bullying) is a family issue, a community issue, and a societal issue.  Yes, parents must do their part, but so must we all.   Thank you Holli for your time and expertise on the important subject of Cyber Bullying. To purchase Cyber Bullying No More, please visit: Amazon.com or other major and independent book sellers. To read more about Holli and her work, please visit her website www.hollikenley.com

Angel Donor: Helping Children through a Liver Transplant Interview with Author Jennifer Gladen

AD300-1I had the great opportunity to win a copy of Jennifer Gladen’s book, Angel Donor. I am excited to add this book to my collection because I did not have a story on this topic.

Synopisis:

“Olivia never asked to have a disease like Biliary Atresia. It made her liver sick and only a transplant will make her better. After waiting several months and close to losing hope, she gets the call she’s been waiting for. The journey of her live is about to begin.”

Interview With Jennifer Gladen:

Hi Jill. Thanks for taking the time to discuss Angel Donor with your readers.

What inspired you to write Angel Donor?

My daughter, Jackie, was born with a liver disease called Biliary Atresia and later needed a liver transplant. She was in and out of hospitals since she was three weeks old. I remember wishing there was something I could read to her to help her get through these times. That’s when the idea for Angel Donor was born. It wasn’t until years later that I was able to bring myself to write it.

What age group is it appropriate for?

Angel Donor fits well with Pre-K and the primary grades.

What were some of the challenges with writing on this topic?

It was very hard to write the truth about Biliary Atresia, liver disease and transplants but at the same time not be too scary for children. Especially since this book is meant to be comforting and something children can identify with.

What is Biliary Atresia?

Biliary Atresia is a childhood liver disease. Children are born with a liver that has blocked bile ducts, which in turn scars the liver and causes infection and more liver damage. Because of liver damage and the bile ducts not draining properly, jaundice (a yellowing of the skin) occurs. Without treatment, the liver can fail.

How is it diagnosed and what kind of treatment would a child with this issue need?

Usually Biliary Atresia is diagnosed when a baby is just a few weeks old. They are jaundiced and don’t eat well. If Biliary Atresia is suspected, the doctor will order blood tests, X-rays, and a liver biopsy.

There is no cure for Biliary Atresia. The initial treatment is to perform a surgery to restore the bile flow to the bile ducts outside the liver. Some patients do well with this treatment but most children with this diagnosis need a liver transplant because gradual liver damage continues to develop.

How can this affect a child and his or her family emotionally?

I think different children handle this situation in different ways. They feel a range of emotions. There are a bunch of hospital visits, emergencies and a host of experiences, which can make a child anxious. For example, my daughter Jackie didn’t like the highway for the longest time because when we went on the highway it usually meant we were going to the hospital. However, in our experience my daughter seemed to understand the “bad stuff”, i.e: needles, IVs, etc were to help get her better. My advice is during hospital stays, take advantage of your Child Life Specialists (http://www.childlife.org ) They help the child handle what is going on psychologically when a child is in the hospital.

In my book Angel Donor, Olivia is painting a picture in the playroom. Usually a large playroom like that is run by Child Life specialists. My daughter knows many Child Life Specialists. They helped her understand the medical procedures. Jackie used pretend play where she put an IV into her doll. Her favorite, however, was painting and art. All these activities make the hard times easier to deal with.

The emotional effects on the rest of the family are just as tough. Parents and siblings are worried about the child. Routines are disrupted. Parents of more than one child are torn between their responsibilities of being with the child in the hospital and being with the rest of their children.

What advice would you give to parents whose children need organ transplant?

I have a bunch of advice I’ve collected over the last ten years. The first is to ask, ask, ask. Ask questions when you don’t understand what is going on with your child. Also if you research online about the disease, be sure to talk to your child’s doctor. Not everything we see online is 100% fact. And your doctor knows your child.

Get support. This is what kept me sane 🙂 . There are groups and websites designed to offer support, information and advice. Again, the information is not mean to replace your doctor’s advice. Always go to them when there is a problem or a question about your child’s medical care. Having said that, these groups are filled with other parents who have “been there”.

Two of my favorite support websites (also listed in the back of Angel Donor) are: Children’s Liver Association for Support Services (CLASS KIDS) – http://www.classkids.org and Liver Families – www.liverfamilies.net

What tips could you give a therapist on how to support a child and his or her family with this issue?

I think a therapist could do many of the things a Child Life Specialist might so, such as the medical play techniques or draw about their feelings. Jackie loved to pretend to put an IV in my arm. She continued doing that long after she came home from her hospital stays.

Where is Angel Donor available for purchase?

You can get Angel Donor by visiting:

Guardian Angel Publishing:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble
You can also order autographed copies at my website.

What is your blog/website address?

www.jengladen.com

www.jgladen.blogspot.com

www.angeldonor.blogspot.com

What other books have you written?

A Star in the Night was my first book. It is about David, who makes his way home on Christmas Eve and sees this is no ordinary night. Accompanied by a shimmering star and some tough decisions, David encounters three experiences that will change his view of Christmas forever.

Teresa’s Shadow – Teresa’s Shadow isn’t just a story about bedtime and monsters. It’s about fear, friendship and kindness. One night at bedtime Teresa discovers Corky, a furry visitor, in her room. Corky is no ordinary monster. In fact he seems just as scared as Teresa. Teresa soon realizes she must help Corky get home.
When you are not writing, what else do you do?
I work full time as a teacher at a child care center in addition to taking care of my three children.

What writing projects are you working on right now?

I have 2 other books I’m finishing up. Stay tuned…

Books by Jennifer Gladen
Books by Jennifer Gladen

The Worry Wars: An Anxiety Workbooks for Kids and Their Helpful Adults!

 

Worry Wars cover-smallI receive frequent referrals for children who experience some type of anxiety, and I found a wonderful resource by Paris Goodyear-Brown titled, The Worry Wars: An Anxiety Workbooks for Kids and Their Helpful Adults!. In this book there are three stories addressing three different types of anxiety children might struggle with ; “Daniel the Dragon Slayer,” “Polly vs. Princess Perfect,” and “Oscar and Clyde, the Clinging Octupus.” The illustrations are black and white color-book style and fun, so you could easily have your child color the pages as you read. After that, there are many techniques, activities and reproducible pages that therapists can use, to help their clients cope with anxiety. Some of the activities include shields, bubble blow, and my favorite, the worry worms. I have used the stories over and over with children. They are really helpful metaphors explaining anxiety in a way that children can grasp. I would recommend this resource to others who help children work through anxiety issues, and look forward to trying other recourses by Paris Goodyear-Brown. You can purchase this book, other resources, read her biography, and find out about her counseling services at her website, Paris and Me

Sandtray Therapy 101

filley imageI recently attended a wonderful 2-day sandtray workshop with Denise Filley at Marietta Counseling Center for Children and Adults in Marietta, GA. I have been using sandtray work with my clients since I began this journey of becoming a play therapist, this was the most comprehensive training on sandtray work that I have attended. We covered a range of topics including materials, history of sandtray therapy, and also different perspectives of using the sandtray.

This workshop was highly experiential, including practicing with a partner, group activities, and also individual sandtrays.My favorite part of the training was a partner activity where we did mutual story telling in the sandtray. I had the privilege of practicing that activity with a co-worker, and we took turns picking a figure and adding a story line. I found that after this weekend workshop, we created about 6-7 different types of sandtrays, and I stayed with the same partner throughout the training. At the end of the training we had a larger group tray with about 4-5 different members. We all took turns adding figures until we thought the tray was finished. I found it to be very process oriented, and by the end of the training felt more relaxed and had relieved some stress that I had been experiencing at the time, in addition to feeling like I build some positive relationships with other therapists.

The staff at Marietta Counseling showed professionalism and also hospitality by providing breakfast in the morning, snacks and beverages throughout the training, answering questions, encouraging networking, and also the time they spent setting up all of the sandtray figures!

After this training I felt prepared to go back to work and utilize the techniques we learned right away. I look forward to practicing and increasing my experience using sandtray therapy. I hope to attend future trainings led by Denise Filley, as well as held at Marietta Counseling Center for Children and Adults.

Links:

Denise Filley’s Workshop Schedule

Information about Marietta Counseling Center for Children and Adults