Shedding the old life and old things can be an uncomfortable place to be in. There are times where it is necessary. For a long time I felt like I found myself in a holding pattern, stuck and unable to move forward, and waiting around for the next thing to satisfy me. It causes a lot of mixed emotions for me. Sometimes hurt, sometimes anger and frustration, sometimes confusion, and sometimes it feels like pure focus and determination.
It changes day to day for me. But the other day I began writing down what I’m grateful for, and I realized that when I look back, I’m really not stuck. I looked around and saw many of the goals I set and many of the desires that I feel God has put in my heart are actually coming together and making sense.
It doesn’t always feel like it, but we really are moving forward, one day at a time, one small step towards the goals we have. Then, before you know it you look around, and there it is. You’ve reached your goal. You’re there in the career you prayed for, the new relationship, the blog you decided to start, or the book you dreamed of writing.
I think sometimes we want to look at the big picture, and forget the smaller steps that led us there. That one phone call, that one prayer, that one chapter you wrote that turned into another, and then another until the book is completed.
The change is in the smaller steps and decisions that lead to the larger dream.
What small decisions have you made that have helped your journey? Please share in the comments below.
I looked at my schedule and I asked, “what did I do to myself.” It was the week before Christmas and I looked at my calendar and realized I crammed as many client appointments as I could all week, supervision appointments, all after a full training day the week before and amidst all the holiday to dos that weren’t yet done.
Man did I feel overwhelmed. I forgot the white space. You know, the space between clients to get my documentation done, the time to wrap up loose ends from training day, pay taxes, all the fun stuff.
I worked so long last week (training week which always adds more to dos’) that my 4 year old daughter asked me, “mommy does your work close?”
Oops. I overscheduled myself again. I felt guilty about it most of the week because I miss my kids and this time of year you plan holiday activities (our holiday pancakes with Santa was kind of a bust because 4 year old cried the whole time because she had an ear infection).
I know what I was thinking when I scheduled it all. I was thinking that I needed the money and my clients needed me. Feelings like I wanted to please others and not disappoint anyone by making them wait until January for an appointment.
On the other end of it, I prayed for this. I prayed for full client load, a growing training and supervision business, and to expand myself. Growing pains.
I think this kind of thing ebbs and flows for me. I go from not busy enough and broke to overdoing it. But I kind of feel like our business, the counseling business is like that. Ebb and flow. Busy and not busy. The trick for me is, I think, is noticing when it gets too much and pulling back and making necessary adjustments, sticking to boundaries, assisting clients to move along that are ready for discharge, etc.… and stop being so hard on myself when it starts to take over and run into family life, but just to make the changes I need to make.
Sometimes that advice is easy to say, but takes a TON of courage to pull off. I have had to work very hard at setting boundaries in general and it doesn’t come easy to me. I am really blessed right now when I think about it. To have enough work that I need to pull back and set boundaries in my daily schedule, time to breathe, time to write, and time to create.
Gratitude for it helps. Gratitude and making small adjustments along the way to tweak the overworked schedule into something more balanced. I’m thankful.
How do you manage your schedule when it becomes insane? Leave a comment below with your tips. Thanks!
Recently I witnessed one of my closest friends giver her testimony in front of her church. She talked about how she struggled with some things and how God has used that in her life to help others (she is also a therapist). It took a lot of courage for her to be vulnerable, even with people she knew were supportive and loving in her life. I am thankful I was there to support her.
It got me thinking on the way home about some things.
I used to believe that as a therapist I’m supposed to have it all together all the time. We are taught as therapists to have a professional distance from our clients. We are to limit our self-disclosure with clients about our own struggles. While these limitations are certainly helpful and ethical in the professional setting so that we can be objective with our clients,(because there is nothing worse than dumping your own junk onto your clients) there is a danger that this distance can carry over into the rest of our relationships and become a protective façade that we have it all together all the time. In the beginning of my career somewhere I allowed that lie into my life, and learned how to put on a good face, and somehow believed that when I am vulnerable with my emotions that somehow I am weak. I believed that I have to pretend that I have it all together all the time.
The truth is, therapists are people who hurt and go through things just like everyone else. I have been seeing my own therapist for almost 8 years now to deal with my own work/life balance, anxieties and times when I’ve hit burnout. The more I meet with people, work with my clients, supervisees and talk to colleagues, I believe now that there is a purpose for our challenges, whether that purpose is revealed to us or not. God will use them to work through us for the good of others and ourselves.
It’s never without a purpose. That’s why I believe being vulnerable with others about our struggles is so healing. I could see the hope, joy, and peace in my friend’s face as she took the courage to share, and how the façade came down in her life and she could be vulnerable with others. It was freeing.
For more information on being vulnerable, watch Dr. Brene Brown’s Ted talk on her vulnerability research.
“Mommy you don’t play with us.” Ouch. My kid said this one day when we were at home and talking about a game we are about to play. What an awakening. I work with families and children. I play with children all day long. And I always felt like my priorities were right. But this got my attention. I have been working a ton recently on some awesome opportunities, and some things have gotten off.
As a therapist and a mom it is always a challenge to balance both career and family. I’m a pretty driven person who deals with a streak of perfectionism, so if I’m not careful I can find myself out of balance. I see this issue come up time and again both with parents of the children I work with, supervisees and other working parents. How do you have a career that supports your family financially, but at the same time stay connected with your family? I have the fortunate opportunity to be able to adjust my schedule and have flexibility, and not every family has that. However there are some things that I do that helps me, and I hope that it can help other parents to readjust as necessary. Please note I have NOT perfected this in anyway and am constantly learning how to incorporate these in my own life.
Let go of getting everything done all the time. Some things will be left undone. There is finite number of hours in a day and it is impossible to complete everything every day.
Make the time you do spend with your children/family count. I make it a point to keep my weekends low key and not over scheduled. This is necessary both from a self-care point of view and bonding with my children. We have certain routines that we do keep on the weekends (such as at least one day we have movie and pizza night).
Set a cut of time for work. In my field it can seem like there is something to do all the time, and setting a cut off time to stop working and go home has worked wonders. I will even put “GO HOME” on my schedule to give myself a visual reminder to NOT SCHEDULE SOMETHING THERE.
Say no more than you say yes. It is tempting to take on multiple projects, Post this! Schedule this! Volunteer here! But giving yourself permission to say no sometimes will help focus your attention on the things that matter the most.
Plan self care times every day to decompress. (for me it’s herbal tea before bed and watching something stupid on TV).
Seek out consultation and networking with other parents in your field. You will find that it’s not just you, no you’re not crazy for being a working parent, and also remind you that we are in this together.
Accept help from others.
Ask for help.
Give yourself the permission to adjust as needed. I have found that I have had to adjust my schedule or way of working every few years as my family’s needs change. My family’s needs change depending on the stage we’re in, for instance my kids had different needs when they were babies, but now that one is preschool age and the other is school age they need attention in different areas.
Make smaller adjustments as you go along, rather than big leaps. Change happens as you make small adjustments to your schedule and your life, generally not in one big leap. And sometimes the simple adjustments (such as adjusting your cut off time for one day) makes a bigger impact than you expect.
What helps you maintain your sanity as a working parent? Whether you are a therapist or not? Leave your suggestions in the comments below. I can’t wait to read everyone’s tips.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw play therapy. When my late supervisor allowed me to observe my first play therapy session I fell in love at first sight. It felt right. It felt natural to me and I loved how it worked with where the child was in their development.
That session was a pivotal moment for me. It started a passion that motivated me to pursue my career and specialty as a play therapist and play therapist supervisor. I had so much to learn, but it didn’t stop me from moving towards my goals.
I had no idea what kind of challenges lay ahead, including difficult work environments, heavy caseloads, and the level of trauma and complex issues that my young clients face with courage.
I have non-therapist friends ask me “how do you work with …(place favorite issues here). What I tell people (and myself when I’m faced with challenges of my job) is that yes, but I get to see a child heal from a trauma, connect with their parent, make new friends, learn how to stop being afraid and live a full life. I get to watch people heal and increase their faith in their God and themselves. I get to spend my day alongside young ones who deal with so much they should be too young for.
At the end of the day it’s encouraging work. It’s worth it. Some cases are sad. True. I have to constantly balance my work life, and personal life, true. I have to keep my emotions in check sometimes and my support systems close. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.
What’s your passion? What fuels you? Leave a Comment Below about how you found your passion.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw play therapy. When my late supervisor allowed me to observe my first play therapy session I fell in love at first sight. It felt right. It felt natural to me and I loved how it worked with where the child was in their development.