Why Gratitude when Times are Tough?

Find our souls

Today is…Gratitude day. This has been the hardest year of my life. I have never worked harder, prayed more, felt more, etc… the last year and a half. there where some family and financial challenges that I didn’t see coming, and also doors God opened for me that have been both exciting and inspired me to look myself in the mirror and really start focusing in on what I believe God has called me to do, and who I believe God really wants me to be in this life. I had to ask myself and challenge myself to continue living in integrity and professionalism in the face of disappointments and setbacks. I’ve had to make some tough choices for my family and it hasn’t been easy.

It’s difficult in the beginning, when you’ve faced disappointment, humiliation and hurt to see what those disappointing situations are doing for you in your life. It’s easy to crawl into a hole and want to stay stuck in an attitude of anxiety, bitterness and anger if you’re not paying attention. Of course I have days where I feel all those things, grief, sadness, and stress. But, then when I have that brief moment of fresh perspective and am able to look back at how those challenges are helping to shape me into a better version of myself I start to feel Grateful. Grateful for the privilege to grow, and learn about myself. Grateful for provision in tough times. Grateful for the supports in my life that help me through those tough situations.

For many, who are facing trauma, grief, and general life challenges, this is not an easy place to get to. It takes talking with people who are empathetic, friends, family or a counselor that understands. It takes focused prayer and (for me) lots of journal writing and tears to get there. But that I can see how I am stronger, more focused and more determined than at many other points in life, I am thankful for the challenges.

We want our lives to be challenge free, hurt free. We want our courses in life, whether you are pursuing your counseling career, trying to have children, grow a business, or heal from a hurtful situation to be smooth and easy. However, the truth of that matter is that setbacks and hurts are going to happen. They try to throw us off course and off our purpose in this world, or make that purpose a little less clear for a while. But in the end, they help build us, grow our faith and purpose as counselors, as people.

When Clients are Hard; a Case for Self Compassion

Stress

Burnout prevention

Most of the time I thrive on challenging cases. Give me a traumatized child or a female fleeing a case of domestic abuse and I’m your therapist. I don’t know what it is, I do really well with long term, hard cases. The blessing here is that I’ve found a niche that I thrive in, but I have learned in my experience that I have to mix up they type of cases I work with, some worried well here, anxiety here, mixed in with supervising new counselors and play therapist.

 

Lately I’ve noticed I’ve had multiple challenging cases especially those that have to do with children and familieis who are in the middle of a crisis. I found myself today feeling emotional and irritated, and I was worried about a lot of things. When I start to feel this way I know these are signs that I have too many trauma cases, or complicated cases and it’s time to readjust somewhere.

Stress like this in the short term is to be expected, especially when you are in the counseling field, and can even be a motivator to get things done, but I’ve learned to be aware of it and take some steps to care for myself before it becomes a constant problem.

 

Stress is a normal part of every day life, and that if I take steps to manage it, and sometimes even make friends with it, I can lead a productive and fulfilling life. Stress is the “fight or flight” response in your brain that is there to help keep you safe in dangerous, or perceived danger. Our goal is not to complete be free of stress (that would be impossible) but to manage it and use it to our advantage.

Stress in small doses can be helpful, in fact according to healthguidance.org, some research appears to show that students can improve on their exams if they are experiencing stress in small doses.

It Can:

  • Give energy and motivation to complete a task.
  • Help to conquer a fear.
  • Help have short term energy.
  • Help avoid an immediate situation.
  • It can help you avoid an unsafe situation.
  • It can help you focus on something you have to get done.

 

The problem is not short term stress, stress is meant to deal with a perceived unsafe situation and then we go back to logical, rational thinking rather than survival mode. The problem is when stress occurs and builds over time.

 

When I was a new counselor in training I was working in the mental health field while simultaneously going through my counseling internship. I was probably working about 60 hours a week, half at my Day Treatment Job and the other half at the domestic violence shelter where I interned. During that time, and due to some circumstances at my agency that were outside my control and also trying to balance my personal struggles of  dealing with overwork, I began feeling guilt about the the circumstances I was in. This turned into lack of sleep and difficulty getting a client situation out of my head.

At the time as a newer professional I didn’t know I was experiencing signs of the over stress or what to do about it. It wasn’t until a supervisor at the internship sat me down and said to me that she noticed that I was over stress, and that I should go to my own therapy during this process. I am super thankful for that. It was one of the best decisions I made to take care of myself. It helped me to overcome fear and self doubt, and to deal with the challenging circumstances I was facing at the time.

I can’t say that I’ve never had periods of feeling stressed or overworked, because I have, but the difference now is that I know what to do to take care of myself and I’m not ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know if I knew at the time what a gift it was to be told to ask for help.

I share this because overstress over time can have effects on the counselor and counseling relationship, but I believe there is hope if we know when to ask for help, or if we notice a colleague having some challenges with overstress we know how to support them.

 

Some of the effects on the counselor can include: depression, insomnia and withdrawal from others to start (this is not and exhaustive list) and on the counseling relationship: diminished empathy, respect or positive feelings for clients and becoming unresponsive to clients needs.

I believe she should be aware of these feelings in ourselves, but I don’t think it is something to feel ashamed or guilty about.

To quote the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project:

“Accepting the presence of compassion fatigue in your life only serves to validate the fact that you are a deeply caring individual. Somewhere along your healing path, the truth will present itself: You don’t have to make a choice. It is possible to practice healthy, ongoing self-care while successfully continuing to care for others.”
Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©(2017)

www.compassionfatigue.org

So what do you do to combat overstress in our field?

  • Self monitoring, and develop self-awareness
  • Obtaining supervision and consultation
  • Intervention and support of colleagues
  • Training staff on effects of burnout/secondary trauma
  • Have debriefings for coworkers/staff if dealing with particularly difficult cases

You are not alone. There is a profession full of caring and supportive people that are here for you.

If you are looking for supervision and/or consultation or even therapy for support during your own journey, reach out.

 

 

 

 

 

So what do you do when you’re overstressed?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your License is Your Own


I live in Georgia and recently there have been some rules/requirements changed in our state for those applying for their Licensed Professional Counselor license. I remember as an early counselor in training, even starting as an undergraduate I was fortunate to have professors and supervisors who prepared me for many of the hurdles of what lies ahead. One thing I can say, is that it is an always changing discipline in some ways, evolving with the needs of the public, culture, and as we learn and grow as professionals.

 

Unfortunately I’ve seen too many new counselors in training in my career blindly following what they think they know from hearsay, not reading or staying up to date for themselves, or believing they don’t have time or money to put into the supervision and training requirements. This can lead to more time, money and paperwork than necessary when pursuing your Professional Counseling or other license type.

 

I do as much as I can to encourage my supervisees and other new mental health professionals starting out to do their own homework and keep up with current changes and trends in the field. That doesn’t mean I don’t do my best to guide and assist them on their journey, quite the contrary. But I do believe it is a collaborative effort and level of responsibility on both ends of the couch so to speak when it comes to completing the licensure process.

I do that because knowledge is power. Power to pursue your career. Your license is your ticket to the career you’re pursuing to independence in your livelihood.

At the end of the day it’s yours, you guard it with everything you can.

Are there hurdles? Yes.

Is it a challenge? Yes.

Is it easy? No way.

But at the end of the day lives will be helped, families will be restored and abused children will have one more caring adult they can trust in their life. It’s worth the challenge. Make it your own.

Self Care Matters; But It’s Harder than You Think

Self Care Matters; But It’s Harder than You Think

I’ve been studying a lot lately about how self-care with counselors relates to ethics and what happens to therapists during the course of their careers. This is a personal topic for me, first, because I am a therapist, and second because I’ve both dealt with my own and witnessed others’ in the field deal with being overstressed, overworked and pushing the burnout phase.

 

After hearing about multiple therapist suicides in the Atlanta area over the last few years, it really got me wondering how we, as a profession are supporting each other’s journey in this career. What changes can we, together, make to better address our colleagues’ if/when we see them struggle? What did we miss with these folks who were silently struggling?

 

We, as therapists are constantly trying to balance the needs of our clients, supervisees, students, demands of our work setting, ethics codes, laws, and potential liabilities all while dealing with the demands of our own personal life, financial strains, and our own losses, crises and life challenges.

 

I’ve noticed by my own observation over the last few years or so that the terms, “self-care” “vicarious trauma,” and “burnout” or “compassion fatigue” appears to have be more common themes of discussion both in trainings, blogs, conversations and other areas of our profession. I think the fact that we, as a profession are talking about and it is fantastic and opens up well-needed conversations about our own mental health as caregivers.

 

In fact, looking back, I can only think of maybe one or two professors in my graduate studies even approaching the issue. And I definitely don’t remember anyone in my state job as an undergraduate talking about it or paying attention to it’s effect on us. It was one of my early on supervisors that noticed it. She probably did me one of the biggest favors of my life at the time by pointing out some blind spots that I wasn’t noticing about myself, like how much I was stressing or overworking myself at the time and that I needed to take some steps to take care of my own mental health while I pursue caring for others.

 

According on the APA report on stress from 2015 (there is a more recent report from 2017 that focuses more on our political climate and healthcare) most of us when we’re stressed out or overstressed know it, or know we need to make a change, but feel too stressed to do anything about it or make the changes necessary to address it. It makes me wonder how many of the therapists I’ve been reading about in some of my ethics research, or cases I’ve read about counselors who made poor ethical choices and had poor boundaries with clients were experiencing the deep hole of stress or burnout that mental health professionals sometimes find themselves in. It makes me wonder, what, if any could have been done to support them before they reached that slippery slope of boundary violations and crossings.

 

It’s and ethical mandate for counselors to be aware of our own impairment, according to multiple ethical codes, but if, when we’re overstressed how aware are we really? Are we setting ourselves up for a catch 22? Are we shooting our wounded so to speak by sending our newbie therapists into high stress, high caseloads and high expectations? Are we setting each other up to sink or swim in the sea of conflicting demands and ethical grey areas, or sometimes outright ethical breaches?

 

What happens between the time we leave graduate school where ethics are preached and studied and taught and our lives in the field? How do some of us end up in organizations (not all, there are many wonderful organizations!) that contribute to toxic work environments, expectations and overworking?

 

I know, I know, I’m venting.

Maybe these questions are just mine.

 

But I believe they are important to ponder and discuss so that we can find a way to support each other in this career. Stop the fighting over political decisions between professions, find a way to pay our new therapists fairly and support each other rather than tear each other down. Pay attention to each other and build each other up. There are many, many wonderful supportive folks out there, but I think creating a culture of support and healthy self-care becomes more difficult when there are so many systemic challenges that come into play.

 

I know I know, it’s a blog, I’m supposed to give you tips, but all I have right now are questions. What do we do? How best can we support the mental health needs of other counselors, our colleagues, both new and experienced? Leave your ideas in the comments below, and lets work together on this.

You Can’t Do It Alone

You Can’t Do It Alone

A few weeks ago I found out a colleague who used to work on the other side of town now worked close by, so I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch or something. I had a lot on my to do list and I have been pounding the pavement so they say for a while, and so lunches in the middle of the day on the work week outside of the office have been few and far between. I was almost afraid to go because I didn’t want to set back my never-ending to-do list and miss those ever so important to me (that I set for my overachieving self) deadlines.

 

But I went.

 

And MAN am I so glad.

 

Sometimes, even in a setting where I work around other people I start to feel like I live on an island. I was so self-focused and focused on the day to day that I didn’t even realize how much I needed that break in my week. We talked, we relived past work experiences that had been toxic or that we had seen as off the chain, and even laughed about the craziness of a profession we call counseling.

 

It really hit home for me the importance of reaching out and asking for help, and asking for social interaction with others in the profession. It helps me feel like I’m not so crazy, and we’re not alone.

 

We can get so focused on our to-do’s, our busy schedules, and the heavy material that we carry from our clients that we can forget that there are others out there, experiencing similar things.

 

We are not alone.

Say it with me: WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS PROFESSION.

 

We are not on an island; we are not machines.

 

The more and more I study counselor self care and how stress effects us, the less I believe I can separate self care and seeking support from others from how well we can do our jobs. I found myself on more than one occasion lately needing to reach out to others for support, to reboot, revitalize, and refocus so that I can be there for my clients, supervisees, and family.

 

It is our responsibility as mental health professionals to look out for each other in the field and support each other. Together. Put aside our differences whatever they are and be there for our brothers and sisters in the profession. We were made for this connection. This is part of what helps us live and breath what we do.

Jill Osborne, EDS, LPC, CPCS, RPTS

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