by Jill | Sep 6, 2018 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, Child Counseling, Child Therapy, Coping with Burnout, Counseling Ethics, Counseling Supervision, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, ptsd treatments, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Burnout prevention
Most of the time I thrive on challenging cases. Give me a traumatized child or a female fleeing a case of domestic abuse and I’m your therapist. I don’t know what it is, I do really well with long term, hard cases. The blessing here is that I’ve found a niche that I thrive in, but I have learned in my experience that I have to mix up they type of cases I work with, some worried well here, anxiety here, mixed in with supervising new counselors and play therapist.
Lately I’ve noticed I’ve had multiple challenging cases especially those that have to do with children and familieis who are in the middle of a crisis. I found myself today feeling emotional and irritated, and I was worried about a lot of things. When I start to feel this way I know these are signs that I have too many trauma cases, or complicated cases and it’s time to readjust somewhere.
Stress like this in the short term is to be expected, especially when you are in the counseling field, and can even be a motivator to get things done, but I’ve learned to be aware of it and take some steps to care for myself before it becomes a constant problem.
Stress is a normal part of every day life, and that if I take steps to manage it, and sometimes even make friends with it, I can lead a productive and fulfilling life. Stress is the “fight or flight” response in your brain that is there to help keep you safe in dangerous, or perceived danger. Our goal is not to complete be free of stress (that would be impossible) but to manage it and use it to our advantage.
Stress in small doses can be helpful, in fact according to healthguidance.org, some research appears to show that students can improve on their exams if they are experiencing stress in small doses.
It Can:
- Give energy and motivation to complete a task.
- Help to conquer a fear.
- Help have short term energy.
- Help avoid an immediate situation.
- It can help you avoid an unsafe situation.
- It can help you focus on something you have to get done.
The problem is not short term stress, stress is meant to deal with a perceived unsafe situation and then we go back to logical, rational thinking rather than survival mode. The problem is when stress occurs and builds over time.
When I was a new counselor in training I was working in the mental health field while simultaneously going through my counseling internship. I was probably working about 60 hours a week, half at my Day Treatment Job and the other half at the domestic violence shelter where I interned. During that time, and due to some circumstances at my agency that were outside my control and also trying to balance my personal struggles of dealing with overwork, I began feeling guilt about the the circumstances I was in. This turned into lack of sleep and difficulty getting a client situation out of my head.
At the time as a newer professional I didn’t know I was experiencing signs of the over stress or what to do about it. It wasn’t until a supervisor at the internship sat me down and said to me that she noticed that I was over stress, and that I should go to my own therapy during this process. I am super thankful for that. It was one of the best decisions I made to take care of myself. It helped me to overcome fear and self doubt, and to deal with the challenging circumstances I was facing at the time.
I can’t say that I’ve never had periods of feeling stressed or overworked, because I have, but the difference now is that I know what to do to take care of myself and I’m not ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know if I knew at the time what a gift it was to be told to ask for help.
I share this because overstress over time can have effects on the counselor and counseling relationship, but I believe there is hope if we know when to ask for help, or if we notice a colleague having some challenges with overstress we know how to support them.
Some of the effects on the counselor can include: depression, insomnia and withdrawal from others to start (this is not and exhaustive list) and on the counseling relationship: diminished empathy, respect or positive feelings for clients and becoming unresponsive to clients needs.
I believe she should be aware of these feelings in ourselves, but I don’t think it is something to feel ashamed or guilty about.
To quote the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project:
“Accepting the presence of compassion fatigue in your life only serves to validate the fact that you are a deeply caring individual. Somewhere along your healing path, the truth will present itself: You don’t have to make a choice. It is possible to practice healthy, ongoing self-care while successfully continuing to care for others.”
Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©(2017)
www.compassionfatigue.org
So what do you do to combat overstress in our field?
- Self monitoring, and develop self-awareness
- Obtaining supervision and consultation
- Intervention and support of colleagues
- Training staff on effects of burnout/secondary trauma
- Have debriefings for coworkers/staff if dealing with particularly difficult cases
You are not alone. There is a profession full of caring and supportive people that are here for you.
If you are looking for supervision and/or consultation or even therapy for support during your own journey, reach out.
So what do you do when you’re overstressed?
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by Jill | Jul 20, 2017 | afraid, Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Child Counseling, Child Therapy, continuing education, Counseling Supervision, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Supervision, Uncategorized
I’ll never forget the first time I saw play therapy. When my late supervisor allowed me to observe my first play therapy session I fell in love at first sight. It felt right. It felt natural to me and I loved how it worked with where the child was in their development.
That session was a pivotal moment for me. It started a passion that motivated me to pursue my career and specialty as a play therapist and play therapist supervisor. I had so much to learn, but it didn’t stop me from moving towards my goals.
I had no idea what kind of challenges lay ahead, including difficult work environments, heavy caseloads, and the level of trauma and complex issues that my young clients face with courage.
I have non-therapist friends ask me “how do you work with …(place favorite issues here). What I tell people (and myself when I’m faced with challenges of my job) is that yes, but I get to see a child heal from a trauma, connect with their parent, make new friends, learn how to stop being afraid and live a full life. I get to watch people heal and increase their faith in their God and themselves. I get to spend my day alongside young ones who deal with so much they should be too young for.
At the end of the day it’s encouraging work. It’s worth it. Some cases are sad. True. I have to constantly balance my work life, and personal life, true. I have to keep my emotions in check sometimes and my support systems close. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.
What’s your passion? What fuels you? Leave a Comment Below about how you found your passion.
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by Jill | Jul 28, 2015 | Bullying, Child Counseling, Child Therapy, children, Cyber-bullying, parenting, Parenting Teens, parenting tips
Last April I had the amazing opportunity to be interviewed on Thrive Global Network in response to a death of Nate Wombles
Unfortunately many children and even adults are involved in the bullying cycle.
Many parents feel stuck if their child is involved in a bullying situation. How do you teach your child to respond without egging on the child who bullies?
What is Bullying, and What do I do about it?
Bullying is aggressive, threatening behavior by one child or adult towards another child/adult. The whole goal of the bully is to gain power or control over a person who they perceive is weaker than them.
Bullying can be verbal, emotional or physical or through technology, called “Cyberbullying.”
(http://www.stopbullying.gov/)(http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pub/understanding_bullying.html)
Bullying can occur either by one person or groups. Groups of bullies may also be called gangs.
Bullying is not just for kids, bullying can occur at any age, even into adulthood.
There are different roles students play in a bullying situation.
The person doing the bullying
The person being bullied
Someone who is both bullied and being a bully towards others.
Those who defend or stand up for the person being bullied.
Those who assist the bully.
Those who reinforce the bully by becoming bystanders.
A person can both be the victim of bullying and also bully others at the same time.
What are signs a child is being bullied?
Signs a child may be a bullying victim are:
Unexplained bruises, scrapes or marks
Changes in behavior such as eating habits, nightmares, stomach aches, making excuses to not go to school, ride the bus.
Unexplained damage or loss of belongings
Child coming home hungry
Changes in grades
Child becomes sad, anxious, angry, or depressed
Child beginds withdrawing from others
Stops hanging around friends
Sources: http://www.stopbullying.gov/, “Bullies are a pain in the brain”, and www.Safechild.net
What do I do if I think my child is being bullied?
What parents can do if a child is being bullied:
- Address the situation immediately.
- If you’re not sure communicate with your child by stating the changes you’ve noticed and asking what happened. http://info.character.org/blog/bid/128143/19-Signs-Your-Child-Is-Being-Bullied-and-What-to-Do-about-It
- Role play ways to respond to the bully with your child.
- Listen to your child when they want to talk about it.
- Don’t encourage the child to ignore it or fight back
- Encourage confidence and assertive communication
- Talk to your child about who to tell if they are being bullied, create a safety plan with your child.
- If the school is involved, allow school officials to address the other parents rather than calling them yourself
- Seek counseling for your child if he or she is in distress (anxious, depressed, withdrawing, etc…)
What your child can co if he or she is being bullied.
The main thing to teach your child about preventing bullying is how to show confidence.
- Don’t cry, and stay calm (crying gives them satisfaction)
- Stay away from groups of bullies/gangs
- Tell an adult if they see weapons, are being teased/bullied, you can help your child make a list of people they can go to
- Go a different way than the bullies if having to walk home or go to a different part of the playground
- Spend time with other friends
- Run away from the situation if they are after them, preferably to an adult he or she trusts.
- Tell their friends, friends can even help stand up for them.
- Stick up for him or her self by using a confident voice “I don’t like….”
- Practice what to say
- Remember the bully wants power, it is more about their need for power than about you
- If a child is alone and the bully wants their stuff, teach them to give it to them and leave the situation.
Some don’ts when dealing with bullies (Romain)
- Don’t cry
- Stay calm
- Don’t ignore
- Don’t taunt the bully.
- Don’t beg the bully not to hurt you.
- Don’t believe the names they call you are think negative about yourself
- Name call back or agree with them
- Try to fight back
What can bystanders do to help bullying?
“Research shows that bystanders intervene only 20% of the time, but when they do, bullying stops about 50% of the time,” Bazelon said.
Even the smallest act of intervention can work wonders, she added. “Bystanders can help in many ways, simply by standing with the victim or touching their shoulder during an incident, or even by sending a supportive text or calling them on the phone afterward.” http://info.character.org/blog/bid/177221/Be-More-Than-a-Bystander-Speak-Up-Against-Bullying-and-Violence
- Stand up for the person being bullied
- Don’t give bullying an audience
- Help the child being bullied get away without getting yourself in harms way.
- Tell a trusted adult
- Be friends
What teachers and schools and organizations can do if bullying is occurring:
First get the facts from multiple sources.
- Listen to those involve without judgement or labeling
- Separate children involved
- Make sure person doing bullying knows what the problem is
- Identify reasons child may have bullied
- Have clear consequences:
- have class discussion, role play situations
- Attempt to help children make amends
- stopbullying.gov has several tips on involving person doing bullying in consequences , including apology letters, doing good deeds, and what to stay away from
- Provide opportunites for bullying education
Signs your child is bullying other children:
- Gets into frequent arguments or fights with others
- Is angry
- Blames others for their problems
- Unexplained new belongings or money
- Frequent trips to the principle’s office at school.
There is a quiz at the end of Bullies are a Pain in the Brain to screen if your child is bullying others.
What to do if your child is bullying others?
- Don’t get defensive, take responsibility for your child.
- Talk to your child to tell you what happened and listen to their side.
- Try to find out the issue your child is dealing with that led to the bullying behavior.
- Set limits.
- Apply consequences to the behavior
- Provide alternatives to aggressive behavior.
- Ask your child how you can help.
- Seek professional help for your child if necessary to deal with the source of the issue.
Why do people bully others? According to stompoutbullying.org
- Power and Control is the main issue surrounding bullying behavior
- Sometimes someone else is also bullying the child
- Child may be having difficulties at home or have experienced abuse, neglect or witnessed aggressive behavior themselves
- To avoid getting bullied
- For social power
- Some plan their bullying and are liked by others but not their victims
Why don’t kids tell?
stopbullying.gov reported on the Indicators of School Crime and safety that bullying is reported to adults less than 40% of the time
- Feeling helpless
- Fear or intimidation by others
- Not wanting to be seen as a tattletale
- Feelings of isolation and withdrawal
What are the risk factors for being bullied?
It’s important to note that while these are risk factors, not all children with these characteristics are bullied.
- Seen as quiet or different by other children
- Difficulty speaking up for themselves
- Difficulty with peer relationships
- Are anxious, depressed or low self esteeme
What are the risk factors for bullying?
There are two types of those who bully defined by stopbullying.gov
Those whose goals are concerned with popularity, power, control.
Those who are more isolated, have low self esteem, less involved in school, less social involvement with peers.
Other risk factors include:
- Are aggressive
- More difficulties at home
- View violence as a way to handle their problems
- Less involvement from parents,
- Negative view of others
- Difficulty following rules
- Have friends who bully
What are the long term consequences of bullying?
- A NY Times article summaries a study by the JAMA network on psychiatry that found long term consequences of childhood bullying into young adulthood.
- Young adults were interviewed/assessed on which role they played in the bullying scenario and placed into different groups
- Outcomes included increased anxiety and panic for those who were victims, increased panic for those who were both bullies and victims and increased instance of adult antisocial behavior for those who were bullies but not victims.
“A very small number of bullied children might retaliate through extremely violent measures. In 12 of 15 school shooting cases in the 1990s, the shooters had a history of being bullied.” www.stopbullying.org
Resources and links
“Bullies are a Pain in the Brain” written and illustrated by Trevor Romain
“Cyber Bullying Not More” by Holli Kenley, MA
stopbullying.gov
http://info.character.org/blog/bid/128143/19-Signs-Your-Child-Is-Being-Bullied-and-What-to-Do-about-It
http://safechild.org/categoryparents/preventing-bullying/
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/20/effects-of-bullying-last-into-adulthood-study-finds/
http://acestoohigh.com/2015/03/02/bullying-starts-early-with-parents-and-babies/
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pub/understanding_bullying.html
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by Jill | Aug 4, 2012 | Child Therapy, counseling, parenting, Play Therapy
Sometimes when you are entering therapy for the first time at an agency or private practice it’s hard to know if you are making the right choice for your child. Think about it, when looking for a therapist, many people look up their insurance provider list, find a few names, ask a friend, pastor or teacher, and maybe look them up on the web. The following are ten things parents should ask when finding a therapist for their child.
1. What is your background in (_child’s problem__)
2. What are your fees, and do you take my insurance.
3. How long have you been practicing
4. How much will I as a caregiver be involved in my child’s therapy
5. What methods do you use (i.e. play therapy, theoretical background)
6. Can I get information about (play therapy, sandtray,) or Can you explain it to me?
7. How will I know if therapy is the right choice for my child?
8. How much will I as a parent be involve?
9. How long will therapy last?
10. What do you do if for some reason my child needs to see someone else?
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by Jill | Nov 11, 2011 | divorce, family therapy, parenting, parents
Case Notes and Divorce: A Parent’s Rights
I find that therapist who work with children often work with divorced or divorcing parents. I thought I would share this article from my liability insurance company that I think will be helpful.
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