How to have Peace in Times of Trouble

LogoColorNoText.jpegI recently experienced the death of a supervisor that I respect and care about a lot. I never thought that when I walked into Haven House as a counseling intern that it would lead to a successful career of helping and caring for hurting children. I feel sad about the loss, and find myself experiencing similar feelings of grief that I help my clients work through every day. Grief doesn’t feel good. It’s many feelings rolled into one. It’s a process that i know if I ignore it will leave me stuck.

It has me asking questions that many people ask. For example, a friend of mine posted on Facebook the other day about why a God that is good and loving allows troubles in our lives and in the world. Why did a wonderful lady like my supervisor go through the pain, suffering and death that she did? Why, did a God with unlimited power to heal her illness allow her to die when she did?  There are so many different answers one can get from that question. Why?

While I will not know the complete answer to the question about why do people hurt, experience pain and evil in the world, I can go to the words of Jesus for comfort.

1. He knew what grief felt like.

John 11:33-36

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?”he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

2. He overcame the world.

John 16:33
New International Version (NIV)

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

3. You can also look at Jeremiah and what God told him about the suffering and persecution he was facing.

Jeremiah 12:5-6 The Message

“So, Jeremiah, if you’re worn out in this footrace with men,what makes you think you can race against horses?And if you can’t keep your wits during times of calm,what’s going to happen when troubles break loose like the Jordan in flood?Those closest to you, your own brothers and cousins,are working against you.They’re out to get you. They’ll stop at nothing.Don’t trust them, especially when they’re smiling.John 16:33

How to Talk to Children About Tragedies in the News: Wisdom from the Late Mr. Rogers

The recent tragedy in Boston may leave parents wondering how to address devestating news with young children. While I want so much to shield my own child from these horrible disasters in the news, it is realistic that he may hear about it from some other sources. I think Mr. Rogers addresses these issues the best.

Fred Rogers Talks about Tragedies in the News

Mr. Rogers: Look for the Helpers

Huffington Post: Article Highlighting Wisdom from Mr. Rogers

 

Confusion vs. Trust and Faith

Confusion vs. Trust and Faith

What’s chronic, repetitive, or inflamed in your inner or outer life?

This burning question is personal. There are many things I could say about it. The past year or so of my life have brought out a lot of hurt, joy, tears, laughter, many mixed emotions. Most recently I took on some opportunities in my life that reminded my of the things that I left, and inflamed a lot of mixed emotions, distrust and confusion. Confusion about what God’s will is for my life right  now, how to decide if an opporunity is one that Is from God, or just a distraction from what His will actually is in my life. And me,being stubborn would rather take an opportunity and then stress about how to get out of it rather than saving myself the heartache and stress and trusting the path that I believe God has put me on. The repetitive is the constant battle to trust the process, and my practical mind, the need for certainty and to provide for my family financially vs. patience, trust and hearing the whispers of the Holy Spirit in my heart leading me, allowing God to unfold his will for my life openly without reservations. The balance between the “busy syndrome” that often accompanies the profession of counseling, the need to pour out compassion everywhere, and the need for self care and rejuvenation. It is a constant battle and conflict for me, and left unchecked can lead me to stubborn slips of faith. It reminds me of Peter, when he sees Jesus walking on the water towards the boat, he takes one step out, and begins walking towards His Savior, and then loses his focus off Jesus and focuses on the storm, then fear sets in and he falls into the stormy waters. There are several things that I love about this picture. One: Peter has the faith to get out of the boat, and two, Jesus is right there pulling Peter out of the water to bring him back to safety and into the boat. It reminds me that I don’t have to fear, that I can take the steps of faith that are presented to me, and that when I fail Jesus is there to rescue me and bring me back to safety, and showing me that I can Trust Him and His will and place in my life.

Matthew 14:22-34

 

Billy Had to Move, a Story of Foster Care, Interview With Theresa Fraser

Today’s guest is Theresa Fraser, Author of “Billy Had to Move,” a story about a boy in foster care who goes to therapy following the death of his grandmother.

Theresa Fraser has worked in Children’s Mental Health in Canada since 1983. She has supported children in her role as a Child and Youth Worker, Therapeutic Foster Parent, Foster parent resource worker and now Therapist. She is the Manager of Clinical Services at Branching Out a Play Therapy Resource Program in Ontario, Canada.

She is a part time Professor at Mohawk College in a Child and Youth Worker Program.    Theresa’s first book is entitled Billy had to move and she hopes to publish other therapeutic books that will help children in the future.

Theresa and her husband have fostered children over the last twenty years. They have six children ranging in age from 20 – 7 years of age.  

 

What age group is Billy had to move geared for?

Though Billy is seven in the story, this book is geared for children 7 and up who may have had or are experiencing loss, foster care or beginning therapy.

I have read Billy to older children who could relate to Billy’s worries about getting into trouble or knowing how to tie his shoes. Recently, I was present when a developmentally delayed 11 year old was told that she was moving into a new foster home and she loved receiving her own copy of Billy Had to Move.

Through her tears, she verbalized that he was scared too and “  it turned out good for Billy so maybe it will be ok for me”.

 

 

What inspired you to write it?

 

Billy was one of many stories that I have used with children during therapy to help normalize their feelings.  Many of these stories contain themes that are so common for children that I and many other Child Therapists work with.

 

How did you decide to pursue writing?

I have always expressed myself with words. As a child and teen I won poetry competitions and had poetry published in a national newspaper.

I knew I would write fiction as an adult however, to be honest I didn’t think of publishing my children’s stories until I received encouragement from a colleague at an International Play Therapy Study group.

 

What other projects have you written or are working on?

I am told that an article I submitted to a journal will be published in the fall. Though I have many other stories, I would like to have a story about adoption published in the future.

I also regularly contribute articles to a Canadian Play Therapy magazine entitled, Playground. This magazine is circulated three times a year to therapists across Canada.

 

How can therapists and caregivers use this book?

This book can be read in it’s entirety over a few reading opportunities or pieces that are applicable can be pulled out. It is not a quick read for sure and time should also be provided to help debrief with the child if any parts of the story were triggering or cathartic.

Given there are a few themes identified, it is a story that can support a child who has experienced disenfranchised loss arising from a missing parent or loss via death. Anxiety symptoms are also labeled which can be helpful for caregivers who have a child who is struggling with utilizing healthy coping strategies. It can also assist children who are beginning therapy as the concepts of confidentiality and treatment goals are introduced at the end of the story.

 

What advice do you have for therapists and caregivers who work with foster children?

I am not sure I would give advice to be honest. I think that generally foster parents know their foster children the best and can be the least acknowledged member of the treatment team.

Organizations like the Foster Family Treatment Association do much to provide treatment foster parents with:

  • training at a yearly conference
  • participate in national and local Child welfare coalitions and public policy committees
  • help to advocate to define the treatment foster care model and  for increased standards of care across the United States

I believe in foster care and have seen many success stories.

In North America there are also regular foster home placements and these foster families work hard to meet the day to day needs of children – often with less supports than treatment foster parents.

I have noted an internet link for the FFTA for your readers as I truly respect the work that they are contributing to support foster care service provision.

I have also noted a link that your readers could utilize to hear the stories of teens and young adults who have grown up in foster care as well as Foster care workers and foster parents. Their stories cannot be easily forgotten and are each less than three minutes long.

 

How does being a foster parent impact your clinical work?

My experiences impact my work every day whether I am working with a foster child, a foster family, bio or adopted family or facilitating a foster parent training.

I know what it is like to watch your foster child get over the top anxious about a visit and drive an hour to be stood up by their mom or dad. I also know how important it is to honor birth parents for children who may not even remember what they look like.

Also, it is important to remember that  no matter what has happened to disrupt that child being able to live or visit with their biological parents, it is important to honor their presence or past presence in the child’s life.

I also know how hard it is to be a foster parent. Your life, your home, your decisions are always under a microscope. You often fight the old prejudices that have occurred because there have been kids abused or neglected in foster care.

I like to refer to foster parents as the Primary Clinician,  and I think that if they are not supported to be in this role, we are wasting lots of therapeutic time that is spent with the child in  need on a daily basis. As a therapist I hope that I provide a healing space and opportunity for a child but I also want to support the person who is working with the child the most to develop a therapeutic rapport. They create many more therapeutic moments than I ever could in my one hour of service provision a week.

Understanding the challenges and gifts of being not only a foster parent but also a foster family helps we to be more mindful that I am only one part of the child’s treatment team and we all know the old adage, it takes a village to raise a child.

So I guess I would like to add that I believe the story of Billy reinforces this concept of teamwork by the way the many helpers in this story are not only introduced but also work together to help the child.

 

Thanks Jill for inviting me to participate in this interview.  Your readers are welcome to visit my web page or send me an email if they have any further questions or comments. I appreciate the opportunity to share my passion about my work and this book.

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