What to Expect From Your Play Therapist if You’re Getting a Divorce

One of the most challenging issues a family can face is divorce. It affects everyone involved in some way. Children, parents, extended family, and others close to the situation. It can also be one of the most challenging and complex cases I can treat in play therapy. Emotions are high, changes are happening, and there are a lot of unknown factors. On a practical level, counseling for everyone involved is recommended.

 

So, if you, as a parent are going through a divorce, have been through a divorce, or planning on getting one, here are some ways to make your child gets the most benefit from play therapy and to assist your child in coping with the changes that are happening in your family and also what roles I can and cannot play as a child therapist.

 

Remember I’m there to treat your child, and am neutral when it comes to parental conflicts.
Understand that I will not be able to fix your marriage.
I cannot determine custody of your children.
Custody evaluation is a separate role from therapy, and there are mental health professionals, primarily psychologists, that specialize in this area.
Don’t involve me in your court issues.
It is paramount that I be able to maintain your child’s confidentiality and a neutral safe space for them to process their emotions. This is a traumatic time for them, and involving me in court will often require that I break that confidentiality and it always affect my therapeutic relationship with your child.
Give your child space for their own processing.
Your child will love both of you.
Both parents should participate in the therapy process in some way, taking turns to bring your child to therapy or coming together with them shows that you are supporting their journey through this process.
Participate in your own therapy.
This is a stressful and highly emotional time for everyone and I want you to take care of yourself as much as I want your child to get through this change as healthy as possible.
Keep children out of adult conflicts.
This includes parenting disagreements, knowledge about court proceedings over their developmental level, questioning your child about the other parent, or other situations where it puts your child in a no-win situation.
If your child is upset or emotional, listen, empathize and allow for open expression of feelings even if it is difficult for you.
Don’t blame, complain, or vent about your ex- or soon to be ex-spouse in front of your child.
Be honest with your child: tell them what they need to know, when a change is occurring
It is ok to say “I don’t know,”  or “let me think about my answer” to questions children may have for which you yourself are uncertain.
Be prepared for children to have various emotions.
Maintain a predictable routine as much as possible
Maintain your parenting limits and boundaries.

 

 

What do you do to support your child during this challenging time with your family?

Leave Your Comments Below

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How to Talk to Children About Tragedies in the News: Wisdom from the Late Mr. Rogers

The recent tragedy in Boston may leave parents wondering how to address devestating news with young children. While I want so much to shield my own child from these horrible disasters in the news, it is realistic that he may hear about it from some other sources. I think Mr. Rogers addresses these issues the best.

Fred Rogers Talks about Tragedies in the News

Mr. Rogers: Look for the Helpers

Huffington Post: Article Highlighting Wisdom from Mr. Rogers

 

Benefits of Therapy – Sam Feels Better Now! An Interactive Story for Children

Read the Most Recent Review of Sam Feels Better Now! and Interactive Story for Children.

Benefits of Therapy – Sam Feels Better Now! An Interactive Story for Children

Please Explain “Anxiety” To Me by Laurie Zelinger, PHD and Jorden Zelinger

Please Explain “Anxiety” To Me by Laurie Zelinger, PHD and Jorden Zelinger

 I am always looking for ways to explain anxiety to children in a way that they will understand. I use a lot of stories in play therapy because I love the simple way that children’s books present difficult issues. That is why I am glad to have read Please Explain “Anxiety” to Me by  Laurie Zelinger, PhD, MS, RPT-S &; Jordan Zelinger, Illustrated by: Elisa Sabella. It begins by using dinasaurs to explain the “fight or flight” response and then relates what they needed to survive with the human fight or flight response. It uses easy to understand terms to help the reader to identify signs of anxiety and understand why people experience anxiety. I have read this story to adult and children who are dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety disorders. The pictures are colorful and help explain the story visually. I like how it uses a simple illustration and clear explanations of anxiety and how it affects a person. The illustrations are colorful and add to the content of the book. I definitely recommend this book to therapists and parents who need to communicate what anxiety is using concise language.

To Purchase Please Explain “Anxiety” To Me, visit your favorite bookseller:

Barnes and Noble:Available in paperback and Nook format
Amazon: Available in paperback, hardcover and kindle
Loving Healing Press

You can visit Laurie’s website and see the other books she has written and learn more about her services and background as a play therapist. I look forward to seeing future children’s books from this author.

The Play Therapy Mystery Counseling Session…give away

If you are like me, you are on a budget, and don’t have a lot of money to always spend on toys or craft materials. That’s why I am so glad and inspired to find the Play Therapy Mystery Counseling Session from Dr. Michelle Stangline. In this exercise, the therapist creates and item needed for play therapy or creative therapy with objects he or she already has (no buying anything you don’t already have!). I thought this would be a fun exercise to try myself, and involve you! Please visit the “Creative Counseling Play Therapy Mystery Counseling Session” page, check the list of possible items that I might want for my playroom and comment below which one you would like to see me make. After I finish the object I will post a picture of it on my blog. As an added bonus, I will randomly select a reader from the comments who will receive a copy of my book “Sam Feels Better Now! and Interactive Story for Children.”

I will be taking votes through Monday February 6, 2012, Thanks!

Talking to Children about Hurricanes

Wondering how to talk to your children about preparing and the effects of hurricanes? Sesame Street has developed a hurricane tool kit to assist parents and children in talking about and preparing for a natural disaster. There are 5 videos, each discussing different aspects of preparation and also tips on dealing with the aftermath, such as having a routine, finding support, and self care. I watched several of the video clips, each about 15 minutes long, and they show realistic emotions, preparations and after effects. You can check out www.sesamestreet.org, click on the parents section and click on the tool kits tab. There are other topics addressed as well. As a therapist, I appreciate the approach that the folks at Sesame Street took on dealing with a disaster that can cause lots of instability for children and their families.

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